


love is a riddle

by screechfox



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Fortune Telling, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Not Beta Read, mollymauk is good at flirting and bad at romance, romantic advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screechfox/pseuds/screechfox
Summary: Molly has never thought of himself as a corrupting influence, but when it comes to Caduceus, he’s finding himself tempted to become one.“That’s all very well and good,” says Beau, sounding like it’s neither well nor good, “but why are you telling me?”The thing is that Molly, for all his experience in other areas, doesn't have much experience with romance. Unfortunately, all of his friends give terrible, terrible advice.





	love is a riddle

**Author's Note:**

> i was the first fic in the cad/molly tag on ao3 and i find myself even more attached to this ship than i thought. thus: a much fluffier cad/molly fic that includes multiple people giving bad romantic advice. i am very out of practice at writing fluffy things.

Molly has never thought of himself as a corrupting influence, but when it comes to Caduceus, he’s finding himself tempted to become one.

“That’s all very well and good,” says Beau, sounding like it’s neither well nor good, “but why are you telling _me?_ ”

“Well, as much as it pains me to say it, you are actually the most romantically successful of our cohort.”

“What, you don’t get that title yourself?” Beau sounds scornful, but Molly detects a hint of pleasure around the corners of her eyes. “All that incessant flirting, and for what?”

“Oh, sure, I’ve had a lot of _very_ satisfying one night stands, but that’s not exactly romance, is it?”

“And I’m, what, trailing girlfriends around behind me?” She’s smirking at him.

“Not exactly, but let’s go down the list. Now, I never met that dwarf of yours, but from the letter, you left quite an impression on her. And let’s not forget Yasha, of course.”

Beau snorts, eyes wide.

“ _Yasha?_ We are talking about the same woman here? The one who has never once shown any sign that she’s interested in me? I swear, it’s like flirting with a brick wall.”

“Oh, but you forget, I knew her long before you, and let’s say that she’s usually been a lot more overt in her rejections before you came along. She likes you, I’m sure.”

Molly takes great joy in savouring the look on Beau’s face - blushing, surprised, confused. This will be a memory to amuse him for the rest of his days.

“Besides,” he says, pushing on quickly, “exactly who else am I meant to go to about my romantic problems? Jester? Fjord? _Caleb?_ ”

“You could have gone to Jester,” Beau says, grinning. “Now that would have been funny.”

“If I needed a long lecture on the many intricacies and vagaries of sex, complete with pictures, I’d go to Jester.”

“And let’s face it, sex isn’t your problem, is it?”

“Yes, _thank you,_ Beau.” Molly grins at her, sharp teeth glittering in the lamplight. He’d never admit it, but he does enjoy their back-and-forth. Well, when it isn’t accompanied by the rude yet descriptive gestures she’s making with her hands, that is.

(He’s ninety percent sure that those gestures are definitely not accurate when both parties have penises, unless seriously ingenious, but he gets the picture. Then again, he doesn’t have a clue what firbolgs have in their pants. He’s had some interesting daydreams about that, it just remains to be seen if he can find out what the truth is.)

“Seriously, though, I think Jester knows more about how you’re supposed to go about romance than I do.” Beau’s expression has turned begrudgingly serious. “I just flirt at people and hope they show any sign of flirting back.”

“A tried and tested strategy,” he agrees, nodding sagely.

“I know Caduceus is a tougher nut to crack than Yasha, probably, but maybe just try that.” She shrugs, then something sly creeps onto her face, and it suits her much better. “After all, you’re _apparently_ charming, so it’ll probably work out alright for you in the end.”

Molly smiles back at her, mock-saluting.

She gives him the finger, and he gets out of her sight. He weighs his options, then goes to find Jester anyway.

 

Jester gasps when she tells him, going starry-eyed at the thought, and waving him into her room in the tavern as though they’re conducting sordid business.

“How long?”

Molly shrugs, laying himself out on her bed.

“I don’t know for sure. My conception of time has never been great, even before I died and got resurrected.”

She claps her hands, looking delighted by this development. Daintily, she sits down on the floor, cross-legged, somehow managing to convey firm authority despite the fact he has to look down to see her face.

“Have you tried any _grand romantic gestures?_ ” She pronounces the words with exaggerated intonation. Without taking her piercing gaze off his face, she begins rummaging through her books, clearly aiming for something in particular.

She shakes his head, and she gasps, horrified, though something teasing glitters in her eyes.

“Well, how else is he supposed to figure out you like him?”

“Flirting,” Molly replies, deadpan.

“No, no, this won’t do at all. Let me go and get Nott, and we can try to figure something out for you.”

Jester leaps to her feet and bounds out of the room, returning, only a few seconds later, with Nott in tow.

“Nott,” Jester pronounces grandly, “Mollymauk is _in love._ ”

“Now, I wouldn’t go _that_ far--” Molly begins, before Nott’s yellow gaze turns on him.

Oh, _Moonweaver,_ he’s not getting out of this conversation easily. He’s about to be treated to an exclusive production of the Nott-and-Jester show, and there’s no way to escape that, no matter how much he wants to sink into the mattress and disappear.

It’s possible that, after two years, he’s finally becoming acquainted with the feeling of embarrassment.

“So, we need to come up with a grand romantic gesture, so that Molly can show Caduceus how he feels and they can live happily ever after and have lots of very good sex.” Jester waves her hands, going to pick up a notebook to write her ideas in.

“Well,” Nott replies, “let’s think of things Caduceus likes.”

“Oh, flowers! You know, I once read a book where a man filled a field with flowers to impress the person he wanted to be with, Molly could try that.”

“You could take him to a teahouse, maybe,” Nott suggests, quirking her lips. “Then you’ll introduce him to something new, but it’ll still be related to something we know Caduceus likes.”

Jester considers for a moment, then something seems to occur to her.

“Oh, Molly! I am pretty sure Caduceus is a virgin, so you must be sure to be _extra gentle_ with him, okay?”

Virgin or not, Molly doesn’t think that Caduceus needs anyone to be gentle with him. He doesn’t say this, though, too busy trying to pretend this isn’t happening.

He should have known what would happen if he took _Beau’s_ advice on who to speak to.

 

In the end, it’s Caduceus who approaches him, as Molly shuffles his cards on a table in a seedy tavern.

“That thing you do with cards, it’s very impressive.”

“Oh,” Molly says, grinning at him. “Well, thank you. It’s honestly not the best thing in my repertoire, it’s just some simple sleight of hand and a good eye for what people want to hear, nothing fancy.”

Caduceus smiles slowly. Everything about him is slow, but it’s not slow in a bad way. It’s slow like the time it takes a river to carve through rock, slow like the feeling of warm intoxication creeping across Molly’s brain, comforting and insidious in equal measures. Everyone in Molly’s life has always been very quick; Caduceus is refreshing in his newness.

“Every card has meanings, yes?” Caduceus holds a hand over the deck, wordlessly asking for permission to look. In response, Molly picks it up and begins to shuffle; it’ll be interesting to do a reading for someone with no clear and concrete goals.

“Of course,” he says, as the cards flutter like butterflies between his hands. “The interpretations can change from reading to reading, but the meanings act as a baseline to work from.”

Molly finishes shuffling, spreading the cards out in a row on the table between them, and gestures for Caduceus to pick one. Normally he chooses the cards himself, so he can more easily tell people what they’d like to hear, but this situation is different.

With gentle hands that dwarf the cards themselves, Caduceus pulls one out, examining it for a moment before he turns it to show Molly.

“Ah, the Eye.” Molly takes it and lays it face-up between them. “You’re looking for something, and it’s within easy reach.”

“Is that so? That’s just great.” The corners of Caduceus’ eyes wrinkle as his smile turns softly amused. There’s no hint of scepticism on his face, just an honest and open curiosity. “What am I looking for, then?”

Molly raises his brows, but he can’t resist a challenge.

He studies Caduceus’ face for a moment. The faint flush to his grey skin, the way he leans forward with a singular focus on what Molly is telling him, the compliment he’d opened the conversation with.

With slow and deliberate movements, Molly pulls out a card, and lays it next to the Eye.

“The Moon. The card of madness, of revelry, of illusions. My card.”

Molly feels a flash of triumph as Caduceus’ smile broadens.

“I suppose I’m not hard to read, am I?”

“Oh, don’t take it personally,” Molly says, grinning toothily as he gathers his cards up neatly. “Neither am I.”

Caduceus beams, leaning across the table easily to catch Molly’s lips in a kiss. The kiss itself is a little clumsy, but Molly’s had worse, and the feeling of Caduceus’ warm hand curled gently in his hair is delightful. The world narrows down to the two of them, hearts beating in unison.

Unfortunately, the pleasantness of the kiss does nothing to block out the way they’ve attracted attention from the other patrons of the inn.

“We should go up to a bedroom,” Molly murmurs, sending a red-eyed glare to one particularly outraged looking individual. “You’re an oddity here, and I’m demonic. If Jester and Yasha were here, we’d be able to put on a spectacular freak-show.”

“Not that I don’t like Jester and Yasha,” Caduceus says, taking Molly’s hand like a dashing prince in an old fairytale, “but I’m not sure either of them would want to join in with this.”

“Oh, I’m not Jester or Yasha’s type,” Molly says.”You’re who I’m interested in.” He lets himself be led up to one of their group’s rooms, wondering idly if Caduceus could carry him. A lack of muscle doesn’t necessarily mean much when you’re as tall as Caduceus is.

Molly is given a smile that warms him to the core as they enter the room, and Caduceus sets himself gently onto one of the beds. Molly settles next to him, an uncharacteristic hesitation stopping him from simply kissing the living daylights out of Caduceus.

“I’m not entirely experienced in romance,” he forces himself to admit. “But I'd like to have it with you.”

“I’ve spent my life in a graveyard, with my family as the only consistent company, so the feeling is mutual.” Caduceus sounds unworried by this fact, so Molly smiles at him. “But I imagine we can figure it out as we go along.”

“Excellent.”

With that out of the way, Molly leans up to press his own passionate kiss to Caduceus’ mouth, letting the points of his canines graze Caduceus’ lips just enough to be felt. With a soft press of his hand to Caduceus’ chest, he pushes him back against the pillows, only breaking the kiss when Caduceus is well and truly beneath him.

“I do, however,” he remarks idly, pressing kisses to Caduceus’ neck, “have plenty of experience in things other than romance. I’d be very happy to enlighten you.”

Caduceus is flushing almost as richly as his hair, warming under Molly’s skilled touches.

“Now-- Now that sounds just fantastic to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> and then they have some firbolg/tiefling sex that is way better than it has any right to be, and that i won't write because i can't write smut and am also very easily embarrassed.
> 
> you can find me at [screechfoxes](https://screechfoxes.tumblr.com) on tumblr. come say hi!


End file.
